How Elon Musk’s Twitter Adventure Ends
A schadenfreude premonition
Sound of a keyboard clicking. A date appears on the screen: July 14, 2024. The camera pans across a wood-paneled Senate hearing room. We hear the sound of cameras whirring, as a male of indeterminate age and species enters the room. Camera zooms in for a tight shot of the man, who sits down casually behind a microphone. He is not sweating. Or blinking. Cue dialogue.
Senator Gasbag: “Mr. Musk, you bought Twitter in 2022 for, let me see, 40 gazillion dollars. “
Musk: “44 gazillion dollars, Senator.”
Senator Gasbag: “I stand corrected. But why? You were already the richest man in the world. Why buy a social media platform?”
Musk: “Why did Hillary climb Everest? Why did Putin invade Ukraine? Because it was there and because they could. I am a maverick, Senator. I take things that are broken and fix them. Sometimes I fix things that aren’t broken, that are, in fact, perfectly fine. This was one of those cases.”
Senator Gasbag: “Well, things didn’t exactly turn out as you planned?”
Musk: “Senator, if it’s okay with you. I’d like to answer that question with an emoji.”
Senator Gasbag: “No, it is not okay, young man. Use your words.”
